Not Vote for Your Lizard

Douglas Adams has always been one of my favorite authors.  Beyond his books, he penned the scripts for some of my favorite Doctor Who episodes.  And it's a quote of his from "So Long, and Thanks For All the Fish" that sticks in my mind as we careen towards the 2016 Presidential election:

“It comes from a very ancient democracy, you see..."
"You mean, it comes from a world of lizards?"
"No," said Ford, who by this time was a little more rational and coherent than he had been, having finally had the coffee forced down him, "nothing so simple. Nothing anything like so straightforward. On its world, the people are people. The leaders are lizards. The people hate the lizards and the lizards rule the people."
"Odd," said Arthur, "I thought you said it was a democracy."
"I did," said Ford. "It is."
"So," said Arthur, hoping he wasn't sounding ridiculously obtuse, "why don't people get rid of the lizards?"
"It honestly doesn't occur to them," said Ford. "They've all got the vote, so they all pretty much assume that the government they've voted in more or less approximates to the government they want."
"You mean they actually vote for the lizards?"
"Oh yes," said Ford with a shrug, "of course."
"But," said Arthur, going for the big one again, "why?"
"Because if they didn't vote for a lizard," said Ford, "the wrong lizard might get in. Got any gin?"
"What?"
"I said," said Ford, with an increasing air of urgency creeping into his voice, "have you got any gin?"
"I'll look. Tell me about the lizards."
Ford shrugged again. "Some people say that the lizards are the best thing that ever happened to them," he said. "They're completely wrong of course, completely and utterly wrong, but someone's got to say it."
"But that's terrible," said Arthur.
"Listen, bud," said Ford, "if I had one Altairian dollar for every time I heard one bit of the Universe look at another bit of the Universe and say 'That's terrible' I wouldn't be sitting here like a lemon looking for a gin.” 

I think of this quote every time I read an article like this one in ND's Observer.  I don't mean to call out my fellow soon-to-be alumni, but the attitude that "any vote for a third-party candidate is a vote for [insert name of candidate you don't like]" drives me up a tree, and this is just the latest one to push me there.

My vote for Gary Johnson will be just that -- a vote for Gary Johnson.  While I don't agree with everything he espouses, I'm aligned with him enough that I'm willing to work with him on the other stuff.  And last time I checked (and the last 15 years notwithstanding), the President is not empowered with the ability to unilaterally implement the things he wants.  So those of you who think vaccination programs are suddenly going to go away should relax -- they're not.  But the political "it's just as important for them to lose as it is for us to wint" bullshit just might.

And most importantly, Gary Johnson is an adult I believe I can trust.  He's served as a governor, so he has executive experience.  He seems to have willingness and ability to get things done while working with those who don't necessarily agree with him -- an attribute sorely missing from politics today.  He spends most of his time talking about the things he wants to do, not how awful his opponents are.

This year, the two major parties have served us up a shit sandwich, and I'm not about to validate that action with my vote.  Yes, Donald Trump is a reprehensible human being and I probably would rather have slivers hammered under my fingernails than spend a minute near him.  By that measure, Hilary Clinton is objectively better than Donald Trump.

But I'm not picking a spouse or a friend, I'm electing a President.  So whose personality is better really doesn't matter.  What matters is what kind of politician each candidate is, and on that scale, both are unacceptable.

Trump is an ignoramus whose lack of understanding of the issues makes him an unsuitable choice.  He caters to the base instincts of the lowest common denominator, is unwilling or unable to rise above his bombastic nature, and is doing absolutely nothing to create any kind of civil debate in this country.  Not to mention my belief he really doesn't want the job in the first place.

Clinton's complete lack of trustworthiness makes her unacceptable to me as well  She is an unrepentant inveterate liar who used a questionable charity to enrich herself.  The candidate who cloaks herself in feminism today has spent most of her life enabling a serial rapist and castigating the women who tried to push back on him with the same shaming rhetoric she now decries.

Someone is going to win this election -- hopefully the Johnson/Weld ticket I support -- and inevitably those who think like me will be the target of the lizard(s) that fell short in the polls, saying the loss is somehow our fault.  Spare me your righteous indignation, because it's better targeted at the political parties who only exist to keep themselves in power while turning all of us against each other.

I'm not here to change your mind -- vote for whatever candidate you choose and you feel represents you and what you're about.  But don't try to project your electoral anxieties and uncontrollable political animus onto me.  Your lizard's fate is all on you.